Note: Writing is therapy for me. I have always enjoyed writing; it helps me process things and this is no different. Dad always enjoyed my writing or he acted like he did like any good father would.
When someone dies, the time they spend in eternity is often referred to as the afterlife. The afterlife for me is living without that person on earth. I do not think anyone can fully understand what someone goes through when dealing with the loss of a loved one because everyone is different and everyone’s relationships are different. It may be a similar circumstance but everyone’s situation is unique to them. Losing my dad in July was the hardest thing I have ever had to face. I can’t explain away the feelings and emotions I have had since that day. It’s a strange set of emotions to put into words. For me, it has been a constant battle in my mind and reliving the day over and over again. Not a day goes by that I don’t dwell on memories even as life must go on, those memories are always playing like a movie in your mind that never stops. It is a never-ending cycle that plays over and over with no end in sight. Maybe this is just me but before now I have never looked forward to death. That sounds so strange as I actually just wrote it out for the first time but once dad died, the reality of Heaven became real to me and the promise of seeing him again has made me look forward to that day. Obviously I want to be around as long as I can for Misty and the boys but knowing I can see my dad again is a joyful thought in a dark time.
I have a few sentimental things that I have of Dad’s. A few rings, his wallet, cuff links but none are as important to me as his Bibles. I had picked up one of his Bibles that he had been using regularly before the accident and it was very interesting to see the scriptures he highlighted and underlined. Mom found the Bible he got when he first got saved and I was looking through it this evening. One of the pages I turned to is shown below. It was such a surreal moment to read this seeing how this scripture was so important to him.
My dad raised me to have a fear of God and did a good job. His hands have been involved in so many ministries through the years and his legacy will live on for years to come. I saw him put his hands to ministry. I saw the hours he put in at the churches. I saw him do his best in everything he did. I learned by example. Its neat to see his notes in his Bible though. I wish we had had more conversations about the Bible. Landon seems to like lighting as he has been in the booth at church with us enough to pick up how to run the light board. Greyson loves church and wants to help with the batteries every week as well. I know both of them will grow up serving just as dad did.
I honestly can’t say each day gets better. Each day is different. A different set of memories, a different set of emotions. I don’t think something like this is ever gotten over, you just learn how to deal with it a little better. People help too. People have entered my life because of this or re-entered my life and have blown me away over the generosity and concern. Thank you to all of you.